My hubby and I share the 3 simple questions we ask ourselves (and each other) that have strengthened our communication in our marriage.
I love having Justin come on because it’s no fluff as we share our not-so-pretty parts of the growing pains of our marriage. In 22 years together (16 married) we’ve learned how to grow closer together while we both pursue finding ourselves more and more too.
During this episode, we really highlight how we work to strengthen our relationship over the years.
We recognize that we always have the best intentions for each other and work to highlight that in the heat of the moment, during conflict.
Then we ask the reflective question:
What is my intention right now?
As we ask these questions, we check in with each other to see what our true intention is behind the question. Then we take ownership for our own behaviors.
Taking it a bit further, we then ask ourselves (and each other): Am I trying to keep score?
If the conversation is centered around keeping score, we pivot to a more productive conversation so we don’t get as frustrated with each other.
On days where one of us is venting or working through something, the best question we ask is:
Would you like me to listen or give feedback here?
This can be a very powerful question as it gives your partner the space to recognize what they need from you. And allows you the opportunity to serve your partner with what they need and not what you think they need.
When you are working on communication with your spouse, remember these 3 important things:
- Build rapport first
- Grab a mirror (no not for him but for you). Know that stuff will come up.
- Build a LOVE sandwich: love, truth, love
We are still figuring things out as we go, but these useful tips have dramatically helped communication in our marriage. Remembering that we care about each other and have the best intentions for each other keeps us going.
Watch our conversation here.
And I’m curious, what are your most helpful tips for great communication in your relationship?