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Have you ever struggled with feeling like you’re not good enough? I think it’s a universal struggle that we all deal with in some form. So today, I am going to give you strategies and tips on how to overcome feeling like you’re not good enough.
The idea for this episode came to me after a couple of experiences I had which I talk about in the episode. I came straight home and recorded this after those experiences and then I was fortunate enough to attend the Mom’s Night Out with the ladies from I Mom So Hard. Boom..it was as if the universe said, “Amanda…record the episode already.”
One of the things they said at their event struck me deeply as I had just recently recorded this episode. They said, “If we could give a piece of advice to all soon-to-be moms, it is that you will never feel like you are good enough.”
Am I Good Enough as a Mom?
There is no way for me to tell the whole story in this blog post of the situation that got me thinking about the topic in the first place. So, you’ll have to listen to the episode to hear about that. 🙂
I will say though that being transported back in time to when I was a little girl really made me question whether or not I was good enough as a mom.
It was like a sucker punch to my gut and it was followed by more scenarios where the questions kept coming up.
Am I good enough?
Moms are bombarded with decisions about their children before those children are even born.
Questions about delivery, followed by questions about feeding, sleep schedules, schooling, and we almost never trust ourselves to make any of these decisions well.
When we question our ability to make good decisions for our kids, at the root of all those questions is one big question…
Am I good enough?
Your Kids Think You’re Good Enough
All the while we are trying to figure out how to overcome the feeling that we’re not good enough, our kids are certain that we are plenty good enough for them.
My daughter recently got her first invitation for a sleepover at a friend’s house and she was so over the moon excited about it. It was all she talked about for days leading up to it.
As bedtime neared, I got a text from the mom telling me that my daughter was having a bit of a hard time and might need to call me. Of course, I told her to call me at any point! And a few minutes later, my daughter called and asked me to come pick her up.
When I got there, my little girl, who is almost 10 now, came running to me and grabbed me in a huge bear hug.
And at that moment, I was struck by the fact that she didn’t care how much I weighed, how much I could bench press, how much money was in my wallet, or how many clients I have. At that moment, I was 100% enough for her.
When the Feelings of Not Being Good Enough Build Up
I remember the first time I had the feeling of not being good enough. It was around body image.
I think a lot of women have their first experience of not feeling like they’re good enough about their body. It’s just a natural place to doubt ourselves.
Then, it moved to my marriage. Was I good enough as a wife? And then along came the kids and the self-doubt of motherhood. And I was overwhelmed by it for a good long time.
Now, as a business owner and coach, I feel like I’m not good enough every single day as I try to help women with their own feelings of not being good enough.
If you aren’t careful to surround yourself with positive people and to work on having positive energy, you will find yourself getting sucked back down the freaking rabbit hole of not feeling like you’re good enough.
It takes daily work to stay out of the black hole.
One of my goals for this podcast is to give you actionable tips that you can take away and put into practice immediately. But know this: these things we deal with can’t be changed in a 24-hour period. It takes work.
These things we’re working against will rear their nasty heads over and over in different areas of our lives if we don’t stay on top of it.
That’s why I want to offer you some tips for overcoming feeling like you’re not good enough.
Tip #1 – Get to the Root.
You have to figure out if the truth of what you’re feeling is based on reality or is it simply based on what you perceive others are thinking of you.
When I dig deep and try to get to the root of what makes me feel like I’m not good enough, it is almost always exposed as a lie.
I don’t know about you, but nobody tells me on a regular basis that I’m not good enough. No, those words come from inside myself.
I can usually trace them to some past experience where maybe I failed at something or at least I think I failed. It’s important to root those things out and leave them to die instead of nurturing them.
Tip #2 -Talk to Your Inner Mean Girl.
I honestly think one of the best pieces of advice I could give to any mom is to talk back to the mean girl inside you. You know your inner mean girl. She says things like,
- “You aren’t skinny enough.”
- “You don’t make enough money.”
- “You’re a terrible mother.”
- “She’s a better wife than you.”
You have to remember that that inner voice is designed to keep you small…keep you stuck. So, you have to put her in her rightful place.
Her job is to keep you from moving ahead so if you want to win, you need to develop the tools necessary to self-coach her. It is crucial that you move from the stinking thinking she wants you to stay in to intentional thinking.
Tip #3 – Stop Overthinking It!
I don’t know about you ladies but I can find myself getting sucked into a spiral of negativity. When this happens, I begin overthinking my relationships, my business, my clients, and my friends.
Our society often makes jokes about being an overthinker but it is dangerous.
If you want to completely destroy your self-confidence and kill your relationships, go ahead with the negative thinking because that’s where you’re headed. I read a quote once that said-
“Not feeling good enough is a symptom of thinking of one’s self too much.”
Total transparency here…sometimes, that’s true of me. I can be a completely arrogant ass when I want to be.
Look, if you’re feeling like you’re not good enough, you think the world is thinking of you way more than anybody is.
Guess what? People aren’t sitting around talking about you and giving you all their attention.
Get over yourself and move along.
Tip #4 – Take Action Steps Toward Creating Self-Confidence.
You are the boss of you. So start creating opportunities for you to develop more self-confidence.
I often see the need for this with my coaching clients in the clothing choices they make. Women tell me things like, “Oh, I’m too heavy to wear a bikini.” Or, “My thighs weren’t made for shorts.”
When you talk about your body this way, you are telling yourself that some part of you isn’t enough. You feel like you’re not good enough to wear certain clothes because of the negative self-talk you’re indulging in.
There is one cure for this and it is to create opportunities for yourself in the area where you struggle to build self-confidence.
So, if you think you’re not good enough to wear a bikini, you know what I want you to do.
Buy the damn bikini and put it on. Wear it to the beach. Without the cover-up.
You can do it. I know you can. I believe in you. Confidence comes from doing the things we are scared to do.
There are some of you who want to hire a health coach but you’ve decided that you’re not ready…in other words, you’re not good enough.
Take action and set yourself up for success. Action builds self-confidence and self-confidence leads to more decisions that further build self-confidence.
Tip #5 – Stop Comparing and Start Connecting.
Comparing yourself to others always leads to feeling like you’re not good enough.
The funny thing is, when you reach out and connect with other women, you discover that they are just as insecure as you are in some of the same areas that you were comparing yourself to them.
I’m telling you, it is universal!
Don’t fall for the false perceptions that social media makes us believe. Just because you see it on Instagram doesn’t make it true.
Tip #6 – Talk to Yourself like You Are Your Child.
I know, I know. This sounds weird but hear me out. This is super effective for me and I think it can help so many women.
When you find yourself feeling like you’re not good enough, try to verbalize those feelings and then ask yourself, “How would I coach my daughter if she told me she was feeling these same things?”
It is so much easier to have wisdom and clarity on issues with our children whereas we are often blinded when it comes to ourselves.
Tip #7 – Speak Your Truth.
It’s all too easy to fall into the trap of trying to become the person that we think others expect us to become. I see it all the time.
We allow other people to set our priorities without even putting up a fight. We allow others’ expectations of us to determine the kind of life we live.
At the end of the day, what do you want? What do you want?
What is going to bring you happiness? Is it meeting the expectations of all those people? I doubt it. What brings you happiness is living your truth. Being who you are in all authenticity and honesty.
Ladies, I’ve shared a lot of tips today. Please remember to go slowly and be gentle with yourself. You can’t change everything overnight.
Keep in mind that feeling like you’re not good enough often stems from childhood. If you’re letting BS from your past drive you and the life you live, you need to take some of these tips and begin to work on that.
Practice every day. Journal this sh*t out. Get it out of your head and onto some paper so you can see it for what it is…a bunch of lies.
Everybody is different; what works for me might not work for you. So you have to practice and keep trying things until you find out what works for you. Just don’t give up.
If you feel like you’re not good enough, it’s time to take control of your life and your health. You deserve to be happy and to leave the negativity behind.
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